Angel is 7!

“Mom, you never listen to me!”, Angel said in a huff the other day. Her features crumpled as she crossed her arms and frowned at me.

I tried to not laugh out loud as I pulled her close to me, remembering the times we spent together, alone—just her and me. The days I literally spent just holding her, the hours I spent reading to her, the naps we shared, the classes we took together, the way she was my entire world and how she changed my entire world.

You'll never know how my breath catches still when I catch a glimpse of you, how startling it is when you seem to grow up overnight, when you move with the grace of a big girl but sleep like the baby I once held.

You'll never know the way a heart can beat outside the body, steadfast and strong, maybe, until you’ll have children of your own.

You'll never know how unfit I feel for this job sometimes, how much I want to hide under my covers, how many times I offer up a silent "Are you sure you meant me for this gig?" to the universe.

You'll never know how I see myself in you, something that frightens me, but also it thrills me.

You'll never know how I love watching you grow up, how I see everything you do for your brother, how you bear the burden of being the oldest so very gracefully.

You'll never know that I still watch you when you sleep, that I will never stop brushing the stray hair our of your eyes so I can see your beautiful face.

You'll never know how my biggest fear in life is losing you, is of you slipping away from me, slowly as you grow and I feel so scared just by thinking about it.

You'll never know how every step, every breath, every story you tell, every movement you make, makes me marvel at the gift you are.

You'll never know, Angel, how you became my entire world, changed my entire world, and will always be my world.

But I am here. Even when you think I'm not. And that's a promise.

Happy 7th birthday!

Love,

Ma

A Month with TWO Kids!

Yes! Its been exactly a month since my son was born. A month since we welcomed him to this world and our family. A month since he completed the final piece of our little family. It also meant that me and J* are now responsible for two tiny humans. While its not always rainbows and unicorns here, but we are getting there. I will jot down some things that I have learnt in the past month.

1.      The Newborn thing gets easier the second time – Because you know the drill. Although its been more than 6 years since Angel was a new born and I had forgotten a lot of things, I was mentally prepared for what is about to come. I know not to freak out at every tiny noise that he makes. The first time around we just had the theoretical knowledge, this time along with that I also knew the practicalities of it. I remember I was so scared to carry Angel when she was a newborn, now I know that he wont break if I give him his tummy time and he is not as delicate as he looks. I am also thankful to a wonderful book called “The Happiest Baby on the Block”. Recommended for all parents of newborns.

2.      I am a pro at multi tasking – I can now feed the baby, help Angel with her homework, carry out a conversation with J* and keep an eye at the stove all at the same time. It is also apparent from the fact that I took almost 6 months after the birth of Angel to get back to this blog and now I back after a month.

3.       Child birth is hard – No matter what the type of birth is – normal or caesarean, no matter if it’s the first child or the nth, it is no mean feat. Especially the first few days. You are leaking from everywhere and the everything is painful. Post partum blues are real and your hormones are having a party at your expense. I realized that breastfeeding is so exhausting, especially during growth spurts and its okay to hug your partner and cry it out because there is light at the end of the tunnel, it gets better, eventually.

4.      My first born needs time to adjust to my second born – Although Angel is six and is very mature for her age and we prepared her during the pregnancy and she did not say it in words and would steal hugs from the little one from time to time, we could feel it. We empathized with her as well, you don’t realize the enormity of the situation until it hits you. Until now she was the center of our world and now another human is in picture who is taking a lot of my time which used to be hers. We involve her with everything related to the baby, from feeding to diaper changes and even doctor appointments. She loves to know what is going on with her baby brother. We also try to make it up to her by spending one on one time with her, especially J*. He takes her with him for mundane things like grocery shopping and they talk and she loves it. I have taken 2 trips with only her and the baby at home to a café and to a store to shop for a present for her friend’s birthday. We also did something for the month of February as it’s the month of love, we basically gave her 14 reasons why we love her, one for each day until Valentine’s Day and it went on the door of her room. She used to eagerly wait for her heart of the day and on weekends would remind me to put one for that day!

5.      It still takes a village to raise a child – You need help and don’t hesitate to ask for help. We have been lucky that my MIL is here to help us for the initial few months and it has been such a huge relief. It means that even though I am not there for Angel’s meal times sometimes, she is with someone who loves her. It also means that I don’t have to worry about laying the meals on the table and I can focus on the baby.

6.      My heart has grown – A cliché, I know. But I had serious thoughts on weather I would be able to love the little one as much as I love Angel, turns out all my worries have been futile as my heart has expanded to accommodate that much more love. Parents are wired that way!

Life with two kids is hard. It is also my new normal. I know its going to be challenging and not everyday is going to end with a smile. It also means that the Valentine Day outing is a late night trip to a café after the kids have gone to bed. However, its worth it!

PS – As you know by now that I call my daughter “Angel” on this blog, though its not her real name, I am still thinking what I should call the little one in this space. Suggestions welcome 😊

Peer Pressure!

I usually drop Angel in my car in front of her school and she opens the door, gets down, closes the door and goes to the spot which is allotted for her class and their class teacher picks them up when the bell rings. Sometimes she wants me to drop her to that allotted spot and I oblige her request once or twice a week. One such time when we were walking to drop her to her class, she spotted a classmate of hers, lets call her S and we waited for S to catch up. 

As soon as S joined us, she whispered in Angel’s ear: Why is your mom dropping you? Are you scared?

And she started to run.

To which Angel replied: I am not scared, I want her to drop me!

All the while not letting go of my finger, she said: Mama, you know S’s mom drops her all the time.

And I dropped her where the rest of the classmates were.

I know it’s not that big a deal and even for her it was business as usual, but I love that at this age how objective she is and didn’t succumb to peer pressure. Not yet anyway.

Future Talks!

Me: What do you want to be when you grow up, baby?

Angel: I don’t want to be anything!

Me: Well, you have to be something.

Angel: Do I have to? Like, is it compulsory?

Me: Yeah

Angel: What are you Mama?

Me: I am a computer engineer.

Angel: Then I will be the same, I will copy you!

Me: Okay

Angel: Will you still come with me to the university?

When Angel had just started her full-day daycare at the age of three and was not completely settled, she had asked me if I come to her class as a teacher. I had told her, I cant come to her school as a teacher, however when she goes to the university, maybe I can come with her as a student. She had retained that, since last three years. It reminded me how casually spoken lines can have such a huge impact on children’s minds and made me more aware of my responsibility as a parent!

Me: I have already studied that. Maybe if you study something else, I can join you.

Angel: Hmm, we will see! (That’s such a grown up response!)

And the topic drifted!

To A New Beginning!

Angel has reached a huge milestone this week. She started Grade 1 on Tuesday. It was almost a surreal feeling for me when the bell rang and she went into her new classroom with her new teacher and new friends without a backward glance. When did my baby grow up so much?!

On one hand I am extremely happy that my girl is so confident, making friends comes so easily to her, on the other hand a tiny part my heart also ached a little. To say that I am feeling emotional about this new chapter in her life would be an understatement. I am flowing in the river of emotions.

Today is her 3^rd day at grade 1 and she has had great first 2 days. She really likes her new teacher who seemed very pleasant when I met him in the mornings during drop offs. She is also excited about making new friends. She loves that she has her own desk now and she get the recess J

I am excited about all the amazing opportunities that are ahead and proud of the wonderful person that Angel is becoming. I cannot wait to watch her learn and grow as she starts to spread her independent little wings. But I am sad too, and in a sense grieving the end of her early childhood.

It seems the best I can do as a parent is embrace the school adventure, watch my child fly, and hang on for the ride.

Glued-In

I was eating the (store brought) Bakhri this morning, when Angel noticed.

Angel: Mama, what are you eating?

Me: Its bakhri (she heard khakhri), its the fatter version of khakhra. Do you want to try?

She did.

Angel: I know how they make khakhri. They make khakhra and add another layer on top of that and so on, they add so many layers and that’s how it’s so fat. They use food glue to stick them all together. You know about food glue, right?

Me: No, I don’t

Angel: (rolling her eyes) Just like there is glitter glue, there is food glue for food and that is what they use for khakhri

(I googled and there is something called food glue or edible glue which is extensively used in cake decoration.)

I have no clue how she gets these ideas, at the same time its amazing to get a glimpse of how her brain wheels churn!

Tie-Dye

As many of you may know that I come from Gujarat and one of the many things it is famous for is “Bandhani” which is a kind of tie-dye textile. I have loved the bandhani since forever. I never knew that one of its version could be done at home until last summer when we went on a camping trip which was very child friendly and had a lot of child-centric activities. One of the activities was tie-dye and I loved it more than Angel. And recently, I did it at home along with Angel.  So I got a tie dye kit and a couple of white t-shirts for her as well as for myself. We had a blast and the results are gorgeous. We are already longing to do more tie-dye projects!

So the kit I got had basically all the materials that we needed. It has the dye bottles with powdered dye, some elastic bands and disposable gloves.

We had to fill the bottle with water and shake it up so that it mixes properly and gives an even color.

The wired rack with a tray underneath made it easier for us to work.

We soaked our t-shirts in water for around 15-20 minutes before we started. We made a couple of patters and even matched 2 as Angel wanted J

We were having so much fun with the project that I forgot to click step wise pics, however they are fairly simple and easily available online.

Pattern # 1 – Stripes

        1.    Pleat and fold fabric vertically

        2.    Use elastic bands to secure the fabric and make as many sections as you wish

        3.    Apply dye to each section. Flip it and repeat on the other side. We alternated  between blue and red, you can use as many colors or any pattern that you wish!

Pattern # 2 – Swirl

        1.    Pinch the t-shirt at the center and twist it until it gets spiral shape

        2.    Bind 3-4 elastic bands overlapping each other, to create 6-8 wedges

        3.    Apply the dye to each section making a pattern if you desire. Flip it and         repeat on the other side

We matched :)

Pattern # 3 – Bull’s Eye

       1.    Pinch the t-shirt at the center and pull it upwards in a conical shape

       2.    Tie the first elastic 2 inches below the center and then continue to tie as many  as you wish in a downward direction. We used 2

       3.    Dye each section in the desired color

Pattern # 4 – Sunburst

       1.    Pinch the t-shirt and pull it upwards about 1-2 inches to tie the elastic.

       2.    Create as many sunbursts as you want

       3.    Apply dye to tips and apply another color to the rest of the t-shirt. I used my   grey t-shirt so I just mixed all the colors on the tips

Pattern # 5 – Crumpled

      1.    Crumple the t-shirt

      2.    Randomly secure it with elastic bands

      3.    Dye it. We had a lot of yellow left so we did it just with yellow. You can use your creativity and use multiple shades if you want!

Pattern # 6 – Random

This is just that – random. So we had some dye left and I handed Angel a t-shits which had a white background to tie dye as she pleased. She was thrilled. She randomly tied the elastic bands wherever she wished and randomly used the color whichever she liked. She had the most fun doing this and the result is still beautiful!

Now comes the difficult part of waiting. Wrap the fabrics in a cling film or use a zip lock bag and let them sit for 6-8 hours. Unwrap it, remove the elastics and unleash the magic. Hold it under running water until the water runs clear. Wash and dry it in the washing machine or hang them to dry!

Wizard's Brew

We did an easy yet beautiful activity last evening. I picked it from The Usborn Big Book of Science Things to Make & Do. Check it out for yourself.

All you need:

Baking Soda

Food Colors

Vinegar

Glitter (optional)

Dish Soap

Tray

Jar/Tall Glass

Small bowls & spoons

Instructions:

Cover the work surface with newspapers

Fill the jar halfway with vinegar

Add some drops of one color of food coloring and some glitter

Squeeze in some dish soap, give it a mix and place the jar on a tray

                                                

Now add a heaping spoon of baking soda, stir again and watch the foaming begin

                                   

The soap is the secret ingredient which makes it foam rather than fizz

When the reaction slows down, continue adding baking soda

To change colors, add a tablespoon of vinegar mixed with food color and dump it right in the center of the jar

Did you hear the screams of delight (from both of us) in the video?

Conversations

Angel(lost in her own world): Mama, I feel like we are in a dream, but that's not true, we are real.

Me (to humour her): What if we are actually in a dream?

Angel: What if somebody is dreaming about daddy, daddy is dreaming about us, you are dreaming about me and I am dreaming this!

I wonder if the idea of nested dreams in 'Inception' came from a child! :D

*********

I love the song "Chanda re, chanda re" from the movie Sapney and sometime last year, it was stuck in my head and I was singing it on a loop. That's when Angel picked it up and surprised me by singing the first two lines!

A few days back I was singing the song after a long time and she exclaimed it's a space song (because moon, I had to ask for an explanation)

When I explained the meaning of the first few lines she started laughing hard.

The song is -                          "Chanda re Chanda re, 
                                               kabhi to zameen par aa

                                               Baithenge, Battein karenge

                                               Tujhko aate idhar, laaj aaye agar

                                               Odh k aaja tu baadal ghane"

(A very) Rough Translation - "Oh Moon, Oh Moon, 
                                                come to Earth some day, 
                                                we will sit and chat

                                                If you feel shy while coming here, 
                                                wrap around some dense clouds and come"

She said it's so funny it doesn't make any sense!!!

I will never be able to sign the song without laughing again because when I think about it, it actually doesn't make sense! 

********

Yesterday, she reminded me of the same song and asked me to sing the next lines, I did and explained the meaning to her.

It goes like this       "Chanda se puchhenge 
                                hum saare sawal nirale

                                Jharne kyon gaate hai, 
                                panchhi kyon matwale?"

Rough Translation: "We will ask the moon 
                                all kinds of questions.

                                Why do the waterfalls sing, 
                                why are the birds so merry?"

Angel: Moon doesn't have a mouth, whoever has written this song is not very smart!

Angel turns FIVE!

Dear Angel,

[if you are like your father, you will groan at another letter from me, but if you are anything like me, you are grabbing each word greedily!

You can look like him, but please love the words like me :)]

You are FIVE. Five.

Can you believe it!

It seems like yesterday that we brought you home from the hospital, and now you are five.

It took a while for me to come to terms with the fact that I was a mother and was going to be one forever. But today after five years of looking back, I cannot help but smile. It is a feeling of fulfillment beyond words.

Although I am still not sure if I am a great mother, I feel that I have done some justice to the role.

And in this journey of motherhood, I have learnt so much from you. Here are the five things on the top of my mind - how to love unconditionally, how to enjoy small things, how to observe more, how to be more inventive, how to be a better listener and I am sure I will continue learning more from you for the years to come. You have a far better imagination than I can ever have! You listen to my blabber about my day with such rapt attention and you retain things, I think I share about my day with you more than I do with J* ;) and in turn tell me about your day. Your ‘I love yous’, hugs and kisses make my days.

I am proud to have you my dear baby. I am not going to wish you happiness and success, I want you to get it by your own.

Fly as high as you wish to, claim the mountain peaks. I have your back.

I will always have your back!

Happy birthday!

Love,

Ma.

PS - You had your party at the circus academy. All your friends from school were there and all of you had so much fun! On the actual day, you celebrated it in school and I baked this for you since you are fascinated ‘Outer Space’ these days.

                    It’s a white chocolate-laced, checkered, solar system cake!

The cake cutting was followed by the dinner in a Mexican restaurant. We also planted an apple tree to keep the tradition going J

PPS – The accounts of her previous birthdays can be read here!

Giant Bubbles!

I usually club the activities I do with Angel in a single post like I have done here and here. And these are spread over some weeks, but this time I am making an exception as this one is a typical spring/summer activity and we had so much fun doing it that I had to document it and I don't want to do it once summer is gone. Also, you can use the same for your little ones, nieces or nephews making the most of the season!

We made the biggest bubbles ever using the home made solution and the home made bubble wands with the ingredients which are readily available in homes/markets (This goes true for most of the activities I plan).

Honestly, I was not very sure looking at the bizarre list of ingredients. I needn’t have worried!

Here goes the method:

6 cups of water – distilled works best, tap water is good too

½ cup of dishwashing liquid – I used Dawn Non Concentrated

½ cup of corn flour or corn starch

1 tbsp of glycerin

1 tbsp of baking powder

Step 1 – Mix corn starch and water until most of the corn starch is dissolved. Some of it will settle down at the bottom and that’s okay

Step 2 – Add the remaining ingredients and mix while ensuring that you don’t create a lot of froth

Step 3 – Let the mixture sit for about an hour giving it a mix once in a while and the biggest bubbles’ making solution is ready!

For the bubble wand, you can buy the one like this or make it at home. This is what we did, we took two drinking straws and the yarn thread around 6 to 8 times the length of the straw. Thread the yarn in the straws and tie a knot. The wand is ready!

The initial bubbles will pop immediately, but don’t be disheartened. The more you work with the solution, the silkier the mixture will become and in no time you will be making the giant bubbles!

Angel had so much fun doing it and I am sure we will be doing it again J