Unlearn

I was watching a conversation between J* & Angel. They were playing together when J* threw her Dory Mashem (a small squishy toy) towards her with the intent of giving her a catch and she missed.

Angel: Papa, it hurt me

J* : Sorry baby, throw it at me, to check if it hurts

Angel: No Papa, I want to be nice!

This is just one example at the top of my head which amazes me how at this age she has a strong sense of right and wrong! Even her teacher tells us that she doesn’t hesitate in telling her friends that “No, that’s not right” no matter how much they are into the game. Sometimes she is so full of worldly wisdom, at other time she drives us nuts with her question and questions on questions. She is essentially herself. And I want her to remain this way. Forever.

Like any other parent, I too have a list of things that I want her to learn. However there are certain things which I don’t want her to learn. Things that are deeply rooted in our society, things that we teach our children implicitly, if not explicitly, things that we tend to hear a lot but we should not. So l want to make a conscious effort of breaking this chain. So here goes the list I want my daughter to read whenever I give her the link to this blog.

1.       The standards of beauty: They will tell you that you have to be a particular height, a particular weight, a particular skin tone, a particular figure to look beautiful. Don’t believe them. You are beautiful the way you are. Remember that when you were 4, you hated to wear dresses, stockings or when mama made your hair, were least bothered about how you looked (believe me, there are children who are very self-conscious at this age) and weighed your comfort over everything else. This is one of the (many) things that I love about you. Don’t bother to change yourself just because people tell you to.

2.       Since you are a girl.. : Be vary of statements which begin like this. For example –

a.      Since you are a girl, you have to get married and have kids by so and so age. Don’t believe this for the heck of it. Marriage and having children are huge responsibilities and require a lot of hard work. Do them when you are READY and when you WANT to, not because you HAVE to. And if either of these things don’t fall in place in the way of how you planned things for yourself, so be it. You are a complete person in yourself and don’t require anyone else to complete you.

b.      Since you are girl, you have to make compromises. No, you don’t baby! Adjustments yes, compromises no. Everyone has to make minor adjustments in their lives and you will too but don’t compromise on your life choices.

3.      The art of cooking: You don’t have to love cooking, unless of course, you plan to become a chef! Cooking is just another life skill which you should know to survive. If you love to cook, that’s great and if you can’t shell out n number of courses of meals that’s okay too.

4.      A spotless home: It’s okay to be messy! If while following your dreams, you can keep your home sorted, that’s great. Otherwise, it’s fine. Though a basic level of cleanliness is necessary for hygiene purposes and de-cluttering of mind, peace of mind and fulfilling your dreams is more important than a spotlessly clean house.

5.      There are no knights in shining armors: You will have to stand up for yourself and believe in yourself first. Because if you don’t, nobody else will!

Be kind and humble, but also be the brave and fearless girl that you are who knows right from wrong!